Thursday, January 30, 2003

10:01 a.m.


-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?
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You are a freeform writer. Individualistic with a
sense for the different and challenging, Walt
Whitman and his poetry lacking meter and rhyme
is just what the doctor ordered. You're quick
to write something that the rest of the world
doesn't accept as poetry, quick to separate
yourself from the average joe. An author with a
true sense of self, you have confidence in your
abilities and aren't afraid to show it. :) GO
YOU!

What's YOUR Writing Style?
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TSSSUUUUZZZZUUUUKKKKIIIIIIIII!!!! XDDD WAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH~! *on yummy bishie high*

Dreamscapes

Friday, January 24, 2003

12:44 p.m.

When you're ill, you have the strangest dreams =

I one last night -.- it was so much fun i kept whacking my alarm clock to snooze to pick up where i had left off in the dream. In this dream of min, I was a boy o.o; (and i was quite a sexy boy, mind you [this is why it's a /dream/]) And I was in this great church with a pyramid shaped cieling with light streaming in through the transparent quartz apex. At the end of the church on a high dias was this immense organ gilded with gold with pipes rising up into the cieling and vanishing through it. Before the altar, on a lower dias with the tabernacle, and table where the priest celebrates the mass. The church was incredibly grand - dark rosewood paneling on the cieling, imaculately upkept teak benches and confession booths, reneisance paintings of the twelve stations of the cross on the walls all around the church...

I met a girl there and chatted her up (yes in a church -.- there was no mass going on anyway >.O) And we set a date for Saturday night i think. She looked yummy >< Tall, slender and poised with flawless skin and open inviting eyes. She was wearing a frilly a-line skirt and lavender blouse.

Well i decided to walk her to the bus stop which was at the bottom of the hill on which the church stood. And i then saw in my dream, the entire church grounds. It was on a hill by a cove, surrounded by lush greenery. The church building was a great black pyramid, mush like the Luxor Hotel in Las Vegas, but instead of a straight beam of light spearing into the night sky, the light was shaped as a crucifix. Around the pyramid, on the lower levels of the hill rose four great black obelisks with glimmering outlines and speckled with hiles. These were the pipes of the great organ inside.

When the organ played, a the music could be heard for miles and miles over the land and the dark night ocean. I remember seeing the reflection of the glittering obelisks dancing upon the waves of the water, the great cross of light soaring hundreds of feet above the world, reminding us all of Jesus' sacrifice. The deep darkness of the land, lit only by the light of the great cross, the sounds of everyday life blocked out by the music of the organ. It's My Church now ^^

fuck

Sunday, January 5, 2003

11:26 p.m.

things couldn't be stupider. I go to debates, i piss mom off. I don't go to debates, I let everyone there down. Both fucking ways I turn out inadequate. Which is the way I am, right? My parents seem to care more about money and the house more so than they do about me. I try to please them but the day I do is the day the fucking sky turns polkadot red and vomit bloody yellow. why the fuck do i even bother. Even after the big fucking fight and the long walk talking with my dad, things have settled into this fucking stupid calm I can't stand. it seems that theyr'e trying to ignore the whole situation. has anything changed? Then again it might just be me. HA! Like it's ever anyone else. I'm not like my brother, blaming things on the whole damn world. I blame things on the person i know is responsible: me. And whoopi doo~ Once again, Kristen had screwed up as always. Never perfect, never obedient, never respectful, never dependable. Never anything. What the hell. Why try then? Why can't I just live my life online with my faceless friends who seem to give me more feeling of self worth than my own damn family? But nooo~ I can't do that~ So am I so worthless that i deserve no consolation? I suppose so. Hey what the hell, I might not even be bloody worth this stupid blog~! Stupid fucked up state of affairs. Why can't I be someone? Why don't my parents appreciate the things I can do? I have to give and give and give to make them happy... and get not a word of praise in return... after all, my art or my debates is never important. And since the two things that I am moderately good at is unimportant, guess I can't do ANYTHING, huh? Amazing. I'm nothing. Stupid bloody fucking nothing. If i can't even please my own damn mother, how can i pleas my husband or my friends or anyone?

even after last night, it's still the same. She still doesn't care about me. doesn't love me. doesn't care. all i can do now is just obey her (obeying people just might be all I'm good for) and try to do my duties as a vp while i still can - it's not like i can quit the club this year.

Self definition be fun in moments of utter boredom

Thursday, January 2, 2003

12:08 a.m.


What Self-Mutilation Are You?
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*does the Recca* Come out, HOMURA~ *screams in pain as arm catches fire*


What swear word are you?
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*makes note to use the word more often*


What's YOUR sexual fetish?
brought to you by Quizilla
BWAHAHA! I KNEW IT ALL ALONG!! *cracks whip*

Happy Holidays!! ^o^

Wednesday, December 25, 2002

10:17 p.m.

Yeoyeoyeo!! Wishing all a very merry christmas!! Believe me, your christmas will be merrier than mine >.>; I heve a cold and my head is aching and kirbii is away from keyboard ;-; I bored ;o;

Werl other than that bit of christmas griping, have fun everyone and a happy new year!!

What's the point?

Thursday, December 12, 2002

11:37 p.m.

I don't know why... I'm this way. I always get bitched at by my parents when it comes to housework... It's, as usual, never my brother. Always me. And the lil prick has the cheek to tell me to just keep quiet as my mom bitches at me. Why does she have to nag? She expects me to take care of her. What can I do? I do the chores and stuff... well not all of them... but i do SOMETHING...

Why must she hate me for my hobbies? I'm online when she leaves for work, I'm online when she returns. Does that mean I'm online the WHOLE time? I do go offline to do her dumb chores so what the hell is she complaining about?

I don't want to loose her as a friend. But... I just feel... it was lost even before... Since... well forever... she's only been 'chummy' when she was in an extrodinarily good mood. Otherwise, especially now, I never even get to see her or speak to her... we never spend time together, we never make an effort to do anything together! When i ask her out it's always... "No, I'm tired." "No, must clean the house," We're friends? We never communicate and we're FRIENDS?

Were we even friends to begin with? Now as I'm exploring my boundaries, I find it so much harder to keep quiet and bear her stupid outburts. I feel this need to express myself - I HAVE to say what i feel. If I cannot tell it to their faces, I say it in my tone. If I change my tone, then the message of my displeasure is lost. Why don't they want me to just be able to open up and show how i feel? Must I always be the one to keep silent and be the stupid martyr while they can blow up as much as they want? Call us stupid names? Nag? Bitch?

I'm just... growing up...

Crappypoo~!

Tuesday, December 10, 2002

09:50 p.m.

X3 I juz had Nasi Briyani from Karu's Curry House and I'm soi stuffed >< And my throat hurts from the damn Bourbon Coke ;-; Werl on a different note, the debating club is going up to KL~! X3 It's going to be so much fun - drinking, pubbing, all day debates against other debating bitches x_x It's fun, dun ask.

Now what else is going on in meh boring life? Ah yes, irritating FFX. First of all, if the International version is international why the hell is the intro screen in bloody Japanese? Not to mention the fact that the damn sphere grid only allows you to move back four paces at a go. And the freaky thing is wussy-girl Yuna turns out to have the highest strength (67) o_O While Auron has 55 and Tidus 43 >.>; The freaky things... I miss FF8 tho... I miss the allure of Balamb Garden, the junction system, Irvine, Squall, Guardian Force Compatibility, Triggers, Squall, Guardian Force Boosts, Guardian Force Potions, and yummy Squall running around in yummy tight leather X3 But my only bitch is that Zell's attacks were even lamer than Tifa's. What's with the flying dolphins? Honestly! ><

Ooh! Guess what ^^ Kirbii-Manhater has been reformed X3 She's taken a shine to this one dood with a droolworthy voice and a hugh grant-ish accent o.o And I juz can't help but tease her X3 It's soi fun! Well as for me, think I'll get myself a phillipino guy at the debates this week XD All catholic, handsome and my skin color X3 Mmm~~ HEHE XD

And I'll stop rambling now o_o;

So begins the drama

Monday, December 9, 2002

02:20 p.m.

Well, if anyone reading this was at Ascapade last night you might probably know what's been going on. You'd be surprised at the strange ways of life. As so dictated in the soap operas, when two women are after the same man, they're supposed to hate eachother. But really, in my situation, I don't. She and I are talking about it, discussing it, getting a clearer picture of what happened, deciding how we feel in the end. I just don't want him to think that he's hurting either of us becuase as she said, the hurt's already there. It's all a matter of who he'll disappoint. But in the end we'll always be friends, the three of us. We'll keep our frindship alive despite this. No matter what he chooses, we won't let it change the bond between us. I just hope he'll understand that. We'll always be friends.

Bastard Chauvanist of a Father

Saturday, November 23, 2002

10:04 a.m.

This is so fucking stupid. Everytime my dad and I get together and talk the bastard starts on one of his dumb nags about money and my attitude and the house and all that whole load of fucking crap. You wanna know what irritates him the most, he says? *ingratiatingly sweet voice* Well, it's th housework and how I never want to do it. Why not ask my fucking useless ass of a brother to help?? NOOO because everytime it's anything to do with the house, it's always ME that gets the blame. It's NEVER my BROTHER always the eldest DAUGHTER! How fucking sexist is that?? And when I tell him and ask him why do you 'give up' on my brother and bitch to me? He goes off on ANOTHER fucking nag about how he won't pay my bills, he won't give me money and *gives the finger to dad* Fucker. He's just too fucking lazy to make my brother work. Fucking chauvanistic. Now they say they're hating me as a person and I'm like Fuck that man, Am I supposed to give a shit? Hate me as a person, go ahead, just because they're so caught up in their own problems they want to be bastards then what the fuck can I do? I'm really really waiting to fucking move. *sighs* I hate this... I really recall how... my dad and brother and I used to hang out every weekend... my mom was here for us and not stuck in her fucking job... My dad wasn't some bitching bastard... I hate this part of my life. I feel like I have no family. And they wonder why I'm so attached to talking to people online. It's not like I get the same companionship from the people in the home right?

Interview ^^

Monday, November 11, 2002

04:15 p.m.

Phwee!! ^^ I was on radio today~ ^o^v I sound good :3 *thick-skinned* I want to be a DJ now X3 (as if) Hehehe! It was really really fun ^^ *pretends she's talking on a mic* I always think I sound absolutely horrible on the mic though ;-; I sound squeaky - which is weird coz I have a rather low voice for a girl and when I karaoke I actually have to set the key down to minus one for almost every song I sing |3 Anywho =9 HARRY POTTER IS COMING OUT!! X9 Unfortunately I can't go and watch it ;-; I have a debates camp up on friday - which also means the sleepover I was plannin to have with my girlfriends will have to be cancelled T-T *ish sad* Ah well... next week then...

Web layouts of evilness doom ><

Saturday, November 9, 2002

09:47 a.m.

*Sighs* I hate web layouts >.O For this one comic I and Wan are doing, we end up doing 5 layouts and only two pages of the comic itself >< And another layout kirbii made me to ;-; I spent ages trying to fix evil cel sizes on evil dreamweaver only to have is partially scrapped ;o; web layouts EVILLL

Monday, November 4, 2002

12:07 a.m.

Yeee! ^^ Am free of my exams at long last!!! Though i just know I'm gonna flunk flat on my face >.>; ah well... this is what you get when you study online with so many temptations ><; *excusesexcuses* eh >.O Well anyway can you believe it? I was called for a job as a children's holiday teacher =.= whatever posessed me to send in my damn resume to that is beyond me >.O Don't think I'll be getting it tho XD Still just going for the interview o.o might be fun - it's an excuse to get away from stupid brother anyway *kicks brother* Werl anyway =.= went for singing today - it sucked >.O Can tou believe it took the group 15 minutes to get the keys for the song Sweet Dreams? I hate it when we modify from the scores >< I get so lost ;-; And we're learning to sing this rather nice swinging medley of jingle bells for christmas - which sounds good when other people sing it but sucks so badly when we do ><; I ahve to find a way to improve my pitching - WHY CAN'T I EVER HIS A DAMN E?? >.<; And thus ends my rambling o.o thank you for listening.

*SIIGGHHH* >.>

Sunday, October 27, 2002

09:27 a.m.

What is happenin in my life? Eugh. Take a guess - exams are KILLING ME ;_; Otherwise nothing much so er... when something interesting happens in my boring ass life I'll tell ya about it but for now gotta clean up my doggie >.> Catch ya later!!

singsingsing~~!! ^o^

Thursday, October 24, 2002

10:02 p.m.

SIGH >< Is just damn evil >.O I hate exams!! I hatehatehatehate it!!! What bites the most is that they just do it to spite us or something - "Oh lets all us lecturers torment these innocent poor students with damn exams eh?" >.> *is not sane* riight -o- Anywho =9 Only ray of light i have is singing. Ish VEEREH fun ^^ Basically it's a 'shiok sendiri' (means 'to revel in one's own... deeds? songs? thingy? *shuts up*') thing and HOPEFULLY our group will get selected to perform at this minister's dinner thingy... Is only $500 split among 5 but hey, gotta start somewhere... Also gotta find a job too after the exams! EUGH >< But need money so have to ;_; *sighs again* .... *picks up karaoke mic and shiok sendiri*